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October 17, 2004

double duty post

Some politics, some personal.

We'll go with the personal first.

Today, Hannah had an audition to dance (like, as a snowflake or something) with the Moscow ballet's Nutcracker for the Syr performance.

She's been dancing for over 3 years. In front of people. And I'm pretty sure that if she could have endured the audition, they would've had a costume to fit her.

But halfway through, she stepped out of line, crying about her eyes burning and the routine being too hard and fast (it wasn't).

I was ANGRY. I know she's only 8. But I feel like she's such a wimp. ( I know, how mean of a mom can I really be?) But she was so excited about dancing in a *real* show (like, not a cheesy recital), and then it was too "hard." Things are often too hard for her, like folding the laundry, riding her bike with me as I run (I run s-l-o-w), doing the dishes, picking up. She complains of pain constantly (my finger! my leg! my eyelash!).

So often, I hear myself: "Will you please SUCK IT UP??"

My lovely H, who we all know quit his job recently, was very sympathetic and defensive of her. I made some pointed, quite rude, comments in the truck on the way home about people persevering and doing things that are hard and uncomfortable in order to grow; about things that are worth doing are difficult. That life is, in general, not very comfortable at all.

B asks (oh, didn't he see it coming?) what *I* do that is uncomfortable?

Let me see...oh, if I could just think of ONE THING!!

I carried three babies inside my body. Squeezed them out of my body.

I nursed three babies--for well over a year with the first two and going on a year with this one (he shows no signs of letting up). Let no one mislead you: nursing hurts at first, and is forever uncomfortable: public feedings, teeth, in-laws asking "isn't he too old??" etc etc. I could think of more.

I bend over everyday to pick the shit up off the floor that every other person in the house walks by repeatedly: laundry, toys, trash(!), books, bags, laundry, laundry, laundry.

I wipe pee off the toilet. I scrub a bathroom that's probably as gross as a mall restroom; the same number (nearly) are in and out of it daily.

I wake up with the baby when he's sick/crying/has baby insomnia (and it's one of the three every night). I then get up, no matter how much sleep I've had, and get kids off to school, get myself ready, and go to school myself.

I run. This is highly uncomfortable. I know I choose to do it, but that's the damn point, isn't it? Choosing to experience the discomfort! So you can appreciate the benefits later!!

The important thing here is: I am not bitching to bitch. I do these things because I ultimately know they will make me happy, or make someone else happy. I know it sucks AS I do them, but I know the rewards are worth it! I don't know how to teach this to my daughter; I can't think of how I learned it.

I feel bad(ly) now, and I've made up with Hannah. She really is a good little ballerina. I told her now that she knows what to expect, next year she will make it through the entire audition--that the audition was important in and of itself, not the "getting in." The experience of dancing with strange people, learning and dancing unknown sequences, etc.

OK in other personal news: a favorite prof of mine asked whether I was doing my diss on blogs. Hm. It hadn't occured to me. The wheels are spinning.

And a political link: via angry bear a
clip from CNN's Crossfire that makes me wish I had cable. Not so I could watch CNN, but so I could watch the Jon Stewart Show on Comedy Central.

Watch it 'til the end. Jon calls Tucker a dick. It's a shame Jon's so funny, because he really is onto something very important about "serious" media.

Posted by mryonker at October 17, 2004 09:02 PM

Comments

I find this very familiar. I try to remember that my occasional dislike of something within my children is a natural product of their independence and part of growing older. I'm also a hardass about persevering and have found it a difficult bone to swallow at times when my children won't follow through. I have a variety of techniques but it's not the same with either and never tried and true. So if it helps any: you are not alone on that one.

Posted by: michelle at October 17, 2004 11:29 PM

But "quit" sounds so bad. Rather than "quit", I like to think of "quitting" as retiring, even if just for a bit. Michael Jordan did it. Deion Sanders. Bill Parcells. Hell, the entire administration of this Presidency are retirees--Powell retired from the Joint Chiefs of Staff; Rice from a professorship somewhere or other; Cheney from embezzling (or however you spell that). Ummm....maybe that wasn't the best supporting evidence for my theory. But back to quitting--ain't it what you learn from quitting that's the important thing? (All of your responsibilities, such as birthing and what have you, are excluded--I have nothing but the utmost of respect for all of the duties of motherhood that no mother can retire from.) But for Hannah, and your H. And all us quitters out here. Cain't we use our retirement to reflect and do something better?

Posted by: ml at October 18, 2004 12:47 PM