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December 29, 2004
the holidays are like having a baby...
... mostly in the sense that they SEEM like a good idea during the time leading up to them. That is, thinking about having a baby is fun, you get to shop for a bunch of cool stuff, you get to decorate in anticipation, everyone else is really happy (for you), etc etc.
But then you actually have to HAVE the holiday. And you've had a holiday before, but somehow you forgot that holidays are *painful*. They require an inordinate amount of work and time. And when you're done, you're bloated, sluggish, and wishing you did things a little differently (wish I had that epidural!!)
I always look forward to Christmas with a childlike anticipation--and then I suddenly realize I'm not a child anymore and that all the magical things I remember from childhood Christmases *I'm* the one who's responsible for creating, and the magic kind of crashes.
We spend Christmas with Brian's parents, who live in SE VA. Brian's mom does a fabulous job of making me feel like a kid again. :) There are always a glut of presents, a glut of food, and inappropriate remarks made in the presence of children (this year's involved sucking a beer down as though it were, well, the body part of another person).
It's to the point that I feel like next year I will have to school my kids BEFORE we come on how to open a present:
1. Note tag and the giver's name.
2. Unwrap with zeal, making sure to remark on the creative choice in wrapping paper.
3. Choose from several stock phrases ("Wowee, very cool." "I wanted one of these!!" "How did you know??" "I can't wait to try it.") to express pleasure with gift. Do NOT sigh or say "I don't think this is really for me."
4. Thank giver BY NAME (rather than singing "Thanks!" into the air and throwing the gift aside) and with some sort of physical recognition (hug, kiss, etc) if the giver is present.
5. Watch at least two people open a present before tearing into your next one.
6. Do NOT ask "Is that all?"
7. Do NOT ask "How much did this cost?"
Because my kids broke ALL these rules this year. At least once.
And Jack's birthday is 3 days after Christmas, so he is nearly out of his mind with present-opening.
In other holiday news: we escaped CNY thinking we would have a nice mild vacation here in SE VA. Well, it turns out we had SEVEN INCHES of snow the day after Christmas. People do not drive well here in such conditions, and there are few plows to clear or salt roads.
And finally: to those of you who read this blog and worry with my mental health: just because I sound unhappy or because it appears I'm clinging to the BAD events it's because the bad stuff is interesting and funny. The good stuff ("Hey! I got a new jog bra for Christmas!!") is less interesting.
Posted by mryonker at 10:30 AM | Comments (3)
December 20, 2004
Fear and Trembling (in Academe)
Link: Fear and Trembling (in Academe).
Above: an addition to the blogroll, a dear friend from school, Jen Wingard busts into the blogosphere.
Already in two posts she has achieved what I, in 80-odd posts, am still working toward: self-effacing intellectualism.
I think I do the self-effacing OK. :)
...
On the agenda for today:
1 Jack's Christmas program at school
2 Finish reflective essay
3 Finish grading and turn grades in
4 Figure out how to change the banner to include an image in MT (working on changing it via the instructions offered here by elise , but haven't had luck--suggestions, anyone?)
5 NOT run, unless my crazy neighbor talks me into it. It's only supposed to be 8 today.
Posted by mryonker at 09:54 AM | Comments (2)
December 19, 2004
holidaze
Spent all weekend going back several recent promises:
1. Cleaned the house. Not the upstairs/bedrooms, but the downstairs. Brian did a good deal of the work, and my desk still looks like a nukyoolar bomb hit it, but the floors are clear of clutter, the bathroom shines, and the kitchen has been swept, mopped, scoured, etc.
2. Had company yesterday. Some friends that we met when we first moved to CNY, who have the same age/sex kids as we do (girl, boy, boy), came for dinner. It's funny; when we visit them at THEIR house, the kids are subdued and well-behaved. But something happens when kids (any kids) get into my house. Because I don't have a bunch of expensive furniture, and because I don't have knick knacks and I don't worry about the floors getting scratched, etc, kids SENSE that they can act like raving lunatics and scream and jump and vault the couch, etc. SO, my three kids plus their three kids plus my niece, all losing their minds playing Calvinball in my house. Fun.
3. Had MORE company today. Jack's 5th birthday is the 28th, but since we will be in VA for the holiday, I figured he would appreciate a small get-together with friends from school for a birthday party. I only invited 4 kids, but three of the four had older siblings Hannah's age, so they came, plus I ALREADY HAVE four kids in my house. So, I invited four kids, but still had to assemble 12 goodie bags and find space for them all to play musical chairs. I don't have that many chairs!!
Note to self: musical chairs is not a good multi-aged game. The bigger kids throw their weight around, shoving and threatening the littler ones with glares.
In other news: D and I have been running. (I wasn't sure how far into the winter we would make it.) So far we haven't experienced frozen snot, but today it snowed on us and it felt like little ice picks pricking us in the face. And we were chased by the village plow, which is quite scary. The plows up here are like HUGE dump trucks with three huge blades winging off the front in several directions. I had visions of bad Stephen King short stories about runners being chased by demon-possessed plows.
On the bright side, to have to high-step it in a foot of snow on the shoulder for a few hundred meters is probably a good way to mix up the work out.
Posted by mryonker at 07:15 PM | Comments (1)
December 16, 2004
what I'm thankful for
There are some things that are keeping me alive right now. The first is Heather Armstrong. Mom, if you could just take a moment to read some of what Heather's doing over at dooce, you'd understand that I am not a depressed worthless idiot using my blog to get everyone else down. I am writing about barf and dumb people in order to evoke a certain pathos in my audience, one that will be beneficial to them in that they can think, "hey, my kid screams ALL THE TIME too."
For the record, I just fed Joshua, who barely has any teeth, a Keebler Grasshopper so he would SHUT UP for JUST A MINUTE.
He will, of course, get chocolate goo all over himself and everything dang thing he touches, but I will get a moment of peace, even if it is to compose a thoughtless post on the other thing that brightens my day:
Conan O'Brien. He has GOT to be the funniest late night host by far. His bit the other night with the bungee jumping baby Jesus and the rocket powered fruitcake was hysterical.
I don't have the luxury of staying up late to watch TV; normally if I'm up I'm trying to write. But the other nigth I had no energy to do anything (falling asleep included), so I stuck my butt on the couch and watched the toob.
And laughed.
It gave me hope. So this is for you, Conan. Thanks for your red rooster-comb hair and your little ditty "I'm-a gonna go to hell when I die." Thanks for your uncanny ability to row yourself across the stage in an imaginary canoe. Thanks.
Posted by mryonker at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)
December 15, 2004
mess (and fluff) obsessed
There is too much to write about. There is too much to do and too much to think about; I'm paralyzed, overwhelmed. I'm dreaming of a hole to crawl into.
I sit in front of my desk:
My new favorite sandwich: peanut butter (creamy) and marshmallow fluff. I am not one to purchase a product called "fluff," but I tried this delightful combo at a playdate for Jack the other day, and yesterday I indeed purchased a bucket o' fluff and am happily munching.
Fluff is less expensive than honey (fyi old favorite: crunchy pb + honey).
Eating pb + fluff makes me less inclined to crawl into a hole right now.
Reasons I want to crawl into a hole:
See above image.
Christmas approaches. I've spent all my money on people other than my own kids.
I am surrounded by irresponsible, moronic, selfish adults. This is a long, complex story, one I cannot discuss here, but it is occupying so much of my brain right now I cannot look away from it.
I am surrounded by many, many, many loud ill-raised children who fight, cry, whine, and make messes constantly.
I decided that it if I spent my entire existence cleaning, I still would not have a "clean" house. I'm simply never having company over ever again. (This is LIKE climbing into a hole...the closest I'll come, anyway.) Apologies to all my local friends.
The one saving grace amidst my own insanity: Brian. Probably because he's not from *my* family, he is fairly level-headed, understands what's really important, and had the sense to build more shelves in the kitchen.
I'm off to ignore everything except the bucket o' flufffff.
Posted by mryonker at 03:22 PM | Comments (3)
December 14, 2004
back in the saddle
The lull in blog activity has been a result of the horrible stomach virus that has wracked CNY. Entire schools have been closed because of this wretched bug. My family was down last week with it--and it's not a pretty thing, let me tell you.
Instead, I'll simply say [Gratuitous Plug]: thank God I have a Bissell Green Machine. It's lightweight enough that I, weak from days of non-eating, could lug it around my house, steam cleaning the various liquid and not-so-liquid-yet-still-grossly-wet body fluids of my family members (who were also not eating, yet still barfing everywhere, somehow).
I'm finally 100%. Back to the blog, back to writing, and back to the avoidance of cleaning my house (ooooh, it is a mess). I've spent the last of my sick days laundering linens and I don't want to do any more laundry. The dishes wait to be washed. The christmas tree, while up and decorated, sits amidst various storage boxes that the ornaments came out of.
My aggregator is full of bold, double digit numbers. I will catch up, I will! I will post something substantial! I will finish my reflective essay! I won't clean my house!!
Posted by mryonker at 01:50 PM | Comments (3)
December 04, 2004
wishy-washy hypocrite; or, my complete lack of conviction
Two confessions here for this entry:
Confession #1: I've let my cats (what's left of them, anyway) back into the house. Yes, they (or, at least one) were peeing in various and sundry NON-CAT BOX places. However, the freezing place that is CNY where we live is simply too cold. Yesterday I went out 15 minutes before I had to leave to start the car, and Ginger ran up to my ankles, mewling hoarsely, and SNEEZING of all things. I get home yesterday, and Muffy is sitting on the back stoop SHIVERING (I am not, as Dave Barry would say, making this up!).
This morning I get up to schlepp 8 bazillion kids off to dance class, and I let both kitties in. I tell Brian to get their litter box ready and bring the food in.
We have cats again. Sorry, Mom, that the entire time I was at your house for Thanksgiving I kept telling you to relegate your furballs to the out-of-doors.
Confession #2: We put up a Christmas tree this afternoon. We bought one from a U-cut farm down the road here in Parish. I was cranky and in a hurry (it was cold! I didn't want a tree!!), so the first one the kids pointed at, I told Brian "Hack it down."
He asked cautiously, "Is it too tall?"
I respond, "No. We have tall ceilings. Hack it down. I'm cold."
So, we get it home, and sure enough, it is too dang tall. Brian (saint that he is) patiently cut another foot and a half off the bottom (and still we had to put the star IN FRONT of the top of the tree because it would not fit ON TOP).
So we decorate it. After three glass balls are shattered on the floor and Hannah's Beatrix Potter baby's first Christmas ornament gets busted (some Krazy glue should make it OK, though), I've had enough. "All right, that's good everyone. Let's just put up the rest of the cross-stitched ones from Grandma Betty, those don't break."
I suppose we'll see about that, though.
Posted by mryonker at 10:12 PM | Comments (3)
winter blues and anxieties
Normally, I sit down and hack out just about anything. You know, what I'm feeling, what I did yesterday, who threw up where, which truck Brian bought, etc.
This morning, I'm feeling the ol' winter blah set in (yes, I get it pre-holiday).
I get it mostly because my family still doesn't have the tree up, or any lights up, or any decoration at all. Because WHY would anyone (me) want to add ANY MORE CRAP to all the crap that is in this house already?
So I have this tenstion: the kids want a tree, but the moment I put the dang thing up, they'll be yanking the ornaments down, climbing behind it to plug/unplug the lights, putting the stockings on their OWN feet and sliding around the house in them, etc.
Once I put presents under the tree, Jack will open them when no ones looking. Well, not OPEN them, but start picking away at the tape until a small hole reveals whether or not he's interested in the contents.
It is, indeed, simply more work for me. Another project o maintain, if you will.
When the kids were younger (and when we lived in the strawbale), I did no decorating at all. I could get away with it because we never stay home for Christmas; we ALWAYS stay at Brian's parent's house at this huge strange family sleepover (to make it easier on Santa, allegedly), so we're never at home for Christmas morning.
Now the kids are big. "Mom, ELIZA has HER tree up." "Mom, Virginia has HER tree up!!"
How can I get out of the tree? I'm starting to itch and tick already.
Posted by mryonker at 08:05 AM | Comments (6)