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January 31, 2006
a turning
yeah. 30.
I feel as though I've earned this, this 30. It sounds venerable, and wise, and lovely. My most excellentest Brian threw me a surprise party, and my baby sister came to visit (a surprise as well).
At the party, a friend asked who was older, me or Fran. oooh HOOO! I laughed uproariously (Fran is 8 years younger)!!
And while there were many MANY highlights from the party, I'll have to postpone that post until I get some pics (I didn't take any myself). What I will offer, though, is the inscription from the card that Deb gave me:
" Fear not! Being 30 has decided advantages--you have moved up one age category, and will no longer be competing against those damned 25-29 year olds! (A pox upon their youthful, speedy legs!!) Let me know if turning the big 3-0 compels you to acquire facial piercings. I'll gladly go and hold your hand. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
Don't I have GREAT FRIENDS?!
Posted by mryonker at 09:24 AM | Comments (8)
January 28, 2006
and the magic answer is...
I got an email today from Flossie over at Stepping on Acorns. When, she asks, is the prime time for the academic to stop making decent progress toward her (his) degree and instead change diapers, quit sleeping, and reduce their free time to zero by way of the world's biggest time suck?
My short answer: now, never, 10 years ago, 10 years from now.
There is no good answer to this question. People ask me frequently "HOOOW DOO you DOOOO it??!!" It being, of course, have three kids, teach several classes, and still read enough that I can, with a small amount of self-respect, call myself a grad student.
Here's how I do it. I had a baby when I was a freshman in college--not really planned. I had a second during my MA work (planned). Both times I had my Mommy who graciously, happily, and FREELY (as in free childcare) took my babies while I went to class, studied, worked as a tutor, taught, and etc. I had a highly involved partner who took up probably more than his fair share of my slack.
I had a third two years ago, during the second year of my PhD course work. Now, DON'T GET ME WRONG, and don't send be a bunch of hate comments, but having a baby during my PhD was maybe NOT the best decision I've ever made. Of course, I love my youngest, I'm ultimately happy we had him (how could I not be??), and I can't imagine having not had him.
But nothing short of losing my eyesight in a chemical explosion could have stalled my degree work more. I was three states away from my Mommy and he was the most difficult child of the bunch (colicky, cranky, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't be happy EVER). I could barely get my teaching prep and a little reading done. I got barely 40 pages of writing done in the year after he was born.
This is the scary, honest truth.
Now things are better--I actually have large chunks of time to myself as a result of strategic scheduling, a great friend who babysits, the God of PBS, full day kindergarten, and my terrific husband. I am, now, making slow, decent progress--giving a couple papers at conferences, getting my exams squared away, and teaching some upper division courses.
There are other people who have had babies in my PhD program since I've been here. One was smart enough to wait until she was done with course work. Another was smart enough to wait until she had tenure. (Both as opposed to *my* smart decision to have one smack-dab in the middle of course work.) But I don't think either of them would say it was anywhere near easy, because having a baby even when having that baby is the only thing you're doing is a huge undertaking.
There is no right answer to this question of "when to have the baby." My advice is that if you want to, do it. Key, though, and what will make it worlds easier, is having a partner and support network in place that will provide you with the release time you need. Sure, you can read while nursing, and type one-handed while you hold the baby. But that gets old fast--especially when the baby gets big enough to grab at the keyboard or push the book off your lap with his feet. Do you have friends with children that you can time-swap with? Do you have relatives nearby? Is your partner equally excited and invested in the endeavor (ie you are not secretly flushing your bc pills)?
So my advice is: have your all babies BEFORE you go to grad school. Wait until they're all in school and the oldest is old enough to babysit the others. THEN return to get your advanced degrees.
If it's too late for that, and you want a baby, have one. Babies put stuff into perspective--they show you what is really important in life: a full belly, being warm and dry, and getting LOTS OF SLEEP (that would be *them* getting lots of sleep, though, not you).
Posted by mryonker at 07:50 AM | Comments (5)
January 22, 2006
back on the road again
After a huge blogging sabbatical, I'm back on the road. A few things to report:
1. Teaching this semester appears as though it will be quite enjoyable. I have one class in which out of a roster of 20, only 3 are women, and I *was* anxious about the dynamics. But it seems like a good group so far. I have an adult education course with a roster of only 6, and it is an absolute blast. The students are amazing, enthusiastic, committed, passionate, opinionated, talkative, and just generally a great group.
2. Deb and I registered for the Buffalo Marathon. Our training schedule, a variation of Hal Higdon's Intermediate program is 18 weeks long--the exact number of weeks we have until the race.
3. After having counted the number of books and articles on my exam reading lists, having planned tentatively to begin writing my exams at the beginning of May, and having counted the number of days between now and then, I have found that I will have to read roughly ONE BOOK PER DAY between now and May. This number includes ALL the books on my reading list--even those I have already read (which probably comprise one quarter of the lists--so my estimate is a little bit generous.
4. Yesterday I finished two books--so I'm already ahead of schedule!! (Never mind that I'd been reading them for a week now.)
5. Have plans in the works to actually attend 4Cs this year. This is only physically and economically possible because a) a lovely friend agreed to buy my plane ticket now so I can pay her back later, 2) my greatest aunt and uncle live in Wheaton so I will have free lodging, and III) Brian is not working, and so I can ask him to strategically skip a few classes while I'm gone so he can take care of the kids.
SO: one book a day, a few miles a day. I can get things done, I will.
Posted by mryonker at 11:55 AM | Comments (6)
January 17, 2006
lies runners tell themselves
Senioritis offers: Lies cyclists tell themselves, and since it's been so long since I've posted here, I figure this is as good as any excuse to write some. Of course, my lies are for those of the foot racing sort.
1. You can run in those old shoes. (Well, sure you can, if you want your knees to ache for days.)
2. You can run that 10K (or 15K, or 8 mile trail run) you haven't really trained for properly. (Well, sure you can, if you want to walk like Red Fox for a week.)
3. You can eat that/those empanadas (or pizza, or burger, or whatever insert high-fat high-calorie delish dish here); you're running later! (Well, *possibly* running later; see #4.)
4. I'll go tomorrow (later, tonight, in the morning, etc). ( No, you won't. You'll simply wait until the next day to tell yourself you'll wait until the next day. GO NOW.)
5. But I'm waiting until it's not so cold outside. (You live in CNY--it ain't getting any warmer.)
6. But it's freezing rain!! (So? What's your point? You ate FOUR empanadas!!)
7. And it's dark out. (That's what you have a reflective vest for, you dolt.)
8. But my iPod isn't charged!! (It will be nice to have a quiet run.)
9. I should do the dishes, really. And no one has any clean underwear, either. (Well, if you're gonna stay home, you should be reading for exams, not doing housework.)
10. I can't read for exams right now, I haven't run yet today. (>sigh<)
Posted by mryonker at 10:01 AM | Comments (4)
January 04, 2006
what did I over the break
1. Gained 10 pounds, easily, by way of crab dip
2. Ran never.
3. Read fiction (Strong Motion by Jonathan Franzen--good stuff).
4. Spent as many free moments with my sister as I could.
5. Contemplated materialism and what it's doing to my kids.
6. Dusted off the Dan Crary Taylor (didn't even have to tune it--that's how GOOD it is!!) and learned how to play "Rain" by Patty Griffin.
Posted by mryonker at 11:18 AM | Comments (3)