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May 31, 2006

The Top Ten Reasons To Run The Buffalo Marathon With Madeline and Heather!

10. When you purchase LAST years’ marathon shirts for a very affordable price, only M. and H. will happily accept and not accuse you of being the running poser that you truly are. (“The 2005 Buffalo Marathon? Oh, sure…I ran it. Uh, yeah, it was a blast.”)

9. The 5-hour round trip car ride afforded us the opportunity to engage in deep, meaningful, uninterrupted child-free conversation. We covered such diverse topics as adolescent development, politics, gardening, and the merits of down filled pillows (and the use of said pillows to raise ones’ hips to a proper level for …well, you know.)

8. Even a pessimistic, negative curmudgeon like myself wells up with emotion when total strangers, not even affiliated with the race, give me bananas and bottled water. It restores one’s faith in mankind, AND provides one with essential electrolytes and hydration.

7. Marathons, coupled with a lack of kitchen supplies, compel one to become a very resourceful “cook”. We learned, for instance, that running hats make excellent bowls in which to mix dried pineapple, apricots, gummy bears and Starbursts. (Feel free to e-mail any one of us for the exact recipe for our Hat Casserole. Soooo tasty!!) see the pic of hat casserole on flickr

6. While M. and I were supporter-less, it was all good, because H. graciously lent us her amazingly wonderful partner and parents. Though we met H.’s parents only hours before the race, they cheered their lungs out for us. (And for people who are only slightly larger than the average Hummel, they’ve got healthy sets of lungs!)

5. We ALL set personal records. That’s right - each and every one of us ROCKS!!!!! Truth be told – we ARE the definition of speed. Go Team Yonker!

4. OK, OK…Number five is a bit of a stretch. While it is true that we each set PRs, we are nowhere NEAR the definition of speed. It’s ok, though, because we finished, thereby avoiding the dreaded DNF designation. Even more importantly, (and thanks to the makers of Immodium) we finished with stain-free shorts and that is no mean feat! YEAH!!!

3. The gross incompetence of the Hyatt Regency (Do NOT stay here, ever, even if you are stranded in Buffalo, you’ve collapsed in their lobby and a ravenous pack of scrofulous warthogs is nipping at your heels. Trust me – take your chances with the hogs.) provided M.’s Brian with many lascivious mental images. He was afforded these images because the damned Hyatt messed up our room request, giving us one king-sized bed rather than two doubles, and being a guy, he’s immediately visualizing a pillow fight in lacy bustiers and fishnet stockings leading to some serious girl-on-girl action. And he’s generally a very decent guy, deserving of a lascivious image or two.

2. My Chuck used our marathon jaunt to once again demonstrate that he is the World’s Best Husband. Not only did he tackle a few jobs on my never ending to-do list and bake me a chocolate frosted Running Moose cake, he also spent ages rubbing BenGay into my aching, pathetic, nearly paralyzed knees when I returned. And he only mocked me a little for my shuffling, zombie-like gait. Also, he did NOT use my time away to purchase outrageously expensive lawn and garden machinery as he had threatened to do. Is that not love?

1. We burned THOUSANDS of calories, and therefore felt entitled to devour nearly ALL of the items on the salad bar at Ponderosa. We moved in like a plague of starving locusts with overactive tapeworms, leaving Ponderosa with but a few crumbs to serve their remaining guests. Also, you will never appreciate food quite so much as when you are in a post-marathon delirium state. Soooo yummy. Who knew that Ponderosa employees were trained by demanding, perfectionist chefs in the finest gourmet restaurants? I know, I know….those hairnets and grease-stained aprons fooled me, too, at first. Give Ponderosa a try, though… a guaranteed gastronomic orgasm for just $12.99.

All in all, a WONDERFUL run. Thanks, Madeline and Heather, for a great experience!!!! Are you ready for the BoilerMaker??!! We ARE the definition of speed!

Posted by at May 31, 2006 09:46 PM

Comments

Posted by: madeline at May 31, 2006 09:53 PM

Posted by: madeline at May 31, 2006 10:04 PM

Posted by: deb at June 2, 2006 07:44 AM